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One way to
get the most out of life is
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Parents of Special Needs Children Have Special Needs Too
Special needs children are all so very unique and their needs often take on an unpredictable pattern. Like unexpected speed bumps in the road, certain issues hit parents of special needs children at such unexpected times. It’s the unexpected times of upheaval that really challenge parents of differently-abled children. Many parents tap into their inner strength and always rise to the top of the challenge. Other parents need more guidance or help. Both types of parents are doing their best, but some need a little more help because the issues weigh so much more on their shoulders. Over the years I have met many parents who have children with unique needs. Each and every one of these parents has been an inspiration to me. They have such wonderful ideas and often share stories that may help other parents. We all have our child(ren)’s best interest at heart and we are all on the same journey; the journey towards answers to a healthy child. Some parents have a short journey, some have a never-ending journey. No matter how long the journey is, parents of special needs children also have special needs themselves. As a parent of multiple special needs children I often have people ask me how they can help. They can see that my life is very unbalanced and usually it’s my child’s medical needs that are tipping the scale. My focus tends to be on my child’s needs and my needs end up coming last. This creates a strong unbalanced parent. I have always been the last to notice my own exhaustion, my own sadness, and my own fears. I get so caught up in what my child is going through, well…. I forget my own needs. Now, the needs of a special needs parent are often different than a parent with typical children. Just the smallest things that most parents take for granted cannot be taken for granted in the unique situation of a special needs family. One of the hardest things is keeping up with friends. Weeks can go by before a phone call can be made. Good intentions to show up at a function with friends often have to be changed because of an unforeseen problem with the child. This is hard on a parent and friendships often fade away as time goes on. Special needs parents need acceptance for things that are out of their hands. Respite, downtime, deferment, or relief… I don’t care how you say it, special needs parents need some. Carrying such a heavy load is hard on a parent’s shoulders and having somebody to share that load can be very helpful. Usually respite comes from somebody outside of the family who comes in and just picks up the parent’s job for a few hours and just lets the parent have a much needed break. It allows that tired parent to rest for a bit, or to make some phone calls, or in some cases it allows the parent to focus on him/herself for a change. This counterbalances the child’s needs with the parent’s own needs, resulting in a more balanced and rested parent. Special needs parents need this break so they can be strong enough to endure whatever comes flying at them in the weeks to come. The heavy load that these parents carry on their shoulders can be very substantial at times. During the most challenging times a parent needs a listening ear. A friend to bounce ideas off of, or to talk to about possible strategies can be such a relief for caregivers of disabled children. Non-judgemental listening is always the best kind of support a friend can give when the need arises. Sometimes just listening is all that is needed. No ideas or comments may be required at all. Special needs parents need to feel safe talking about the issues they deal with on a day-to-day basis. Parents of all kinds, regardless of their child(ren)’s needs all need something in common. After all the sleepless nights, the trouble getting a child to eat broccoli, the skinned knees, the broken hearts, and the worries. All parents need a hug. Some need more hugs than other’s, but generally all parents across the world need a reassuring hug. A hug that helps them to realize how special they are, a strong “you are doing a good job” type of hug. All parents have that special need, some just need more of them.
©Samantha Knapp 2009 |
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